Breaking pathological patterns

For the last 8 years or so I’ve been moving between my two homecountries, Sweden and Brazil, trying to find a balance and a way of life.

I would spend a few months in Brazil enjoying the tropics and interdependent culture before getting bored eager for productivity, and then go back to Sweden for a few months working my ass off before that became too lonely and I was back in Brazil again. Sometimes I would visit other countries but basically it was about Sweden and Brazil.

Behind these travels was also a way of connecting with my family; spending time with my mother and relatives in Brazil and then coming back to Sweden trying to cope with my family there. I never truly felt that I belonged though.

Like any family there are pathological patterns that I’ve been wanting to break, but I’ve now come to the conclusion that I can only save myself and my own future. Moving to Australia is a way for me to break pathological patterns and hopefully start over in a place where I can both enjoy the tropics and be productive.

In terms of family life it’s like getting into the desert, which it always is when you let go of something to start over. What I’ve realised is that besides being grateful, life always come with new opportunities and new potential whatever the past. Life is graceful that way.

I just hope I won’t be jumping between countries anymore, atleast not for a while. I like the idea of a straight path, both in my professional and personal life, after a lifetime of criss crossing between countries and family members. I’m grateful for everything but also keen to start over without any guilt, bitterness or pathological relationships.

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Most of all I’m grateful to have my personal relationship with God with me, finding that was bloody worth the struggle.

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